|
One of the repetitive behaviours associated
with Alzheimer Disease (AD) and/or some dementias is the constant asking to go
home. This is often quite puzzling to the caregiver as
the person may be living in a home that they have lived in for many years,
indeed, it may be the only home they have ever lived in.
There is a theory that this question
doesn’t really concern the physical aspect of going home but more a longing to
revert to a time when the person with AD felt safe. Try to imagine how worrisome it must be to
constantly feel that you’re surrounded by unfamiliar people who appear to know
everything about you. Who are these
people? How do they know your name? Why do they keep telling you that they are
your spouse or your child? In your mind,
you know you and your spouse are a young married couple without children. Who is this person standing before you who
appears to be in their 70’s or 80’s and keeps insisting that they are your
spouse? Is this a conspiracy? The feelings of fear can become overwhelming
and that seems to be when the constant requests to go home escalate.
What can you do to stop the constant
questions? There are a couple of things
that might be helpful. Try not to tell
the person that they are home and try not to ask them to remember that this is
their home. They honestly cannot
remember and asking them to remember just elevates their feelings of
frustration and unease (not to mention your own feelings of helplessness and irritation).
Distraction is sometimes helpful. This can be anything from asking them to help
with a simple task to going for a walk.
It is extremely difficult to remain calm and not roll your eyes or raise
your voice but in the long run, keeping an even voice and not appearing to be
angry will be the most useful course of action.
Another way around the repetitive behaviour
would be to say that you would be happy to take them home but you have to
finish something first or the bus has just left and you have to wait for
another one. Arguing with your loved one
and trying to get them to acknowledge that they are indeed home, is futile and
only serves to increase your aggravation.
The name of the game is to get through a difficult bump in the day as easily
as possible. Make no mistake, if you
manage to distract them today, they will begin to ask the same question
tomorrow. Be prepared and know that they
will accept exactly the same distractions today that they did yesterday. Most of all, realize that although it might
appear that they are just doing this to annoy you, they’re not; they are
genuinely at a loss as to where they are and what is happening to them. Try to imagine how you would feel if you were
in their position. They don’t need your
sympathy; they just need your understanding and a whole lot of patience.
|
