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How important is it to have someone touch
you? When someone moves into long-term care it usually means that for many,
they are removed from everyday interaction with spouses, friends and
family. Part of the daily interaction
with spouses, friends and loved-ones can include touch from a friendly
handshake, a hug, holding hands, or even just a touch on the shoulder. If there is a spouse on the scene, the sense
of touch might also include sex.
Unfortunately, a loving sense of touch is often missing for the resident
of a nursing home. For many, the bathing
or grooming routine is the only physical contact that they can expect during a
day, but most people need more than that.
A very important area where touch is
paramount is the relationship between partners or spouses. The intimate connection with a spouse has
been forever altered. After sharing a
bed with your spouse for 50, 60 or even more years, moving into long-term care
and finding yourself alone in a single bed can be a traumatic event. Nursing
homes are not set up to encourage any intimate behaviour between spouses or
partners when they visit their loved-one.
Some nursing homes may have special rooms set up for spouses to stay in
and “spend quality time” with their loved-one.
However, sometimes nursing home staff and indeed the seniors themselves
may be uncomfortable with people knowing that their spouse is staying over so
the rooms are frequently left empty or used for other purposes.
There is a real sense of loss for most people
in a relationship and this should be acknowledged. To assume that seniors are no longer
interested in sex is naïve. To assume that only men would possibly be
interested in sex is also wrong. If your
parents or relatives have always had a very physical relationship, removing one
partner will be a difficult transition for both of them. They should be allowed to have alone time in
the nursing home and if they are uncomfortable using the room set aside for
conjugal visits then they should be encourage to be openly affectionate with
each other.
If there is no surviving spouse to visit,
other outlets for touch should be explored.
One way to promote touch in a nursing home situation would be to have a
massage. Often there is a massage
therapist either on staff or on call. As
long as the massage will do no physical harm, this is one means that can be
encouraged.
Regardless of whether or not a spouse is on
the scene, seniors need to feel connected with their family and friends. When visiting, consider brushing the senior’s
hair or giving them a hand massage.
Encourage grandchildren to hug and kiss their grandparent. As you recount what’s been happening during
the week, consider holding your parent’s hand.
A small show of affection can make a huge difference in the lives of
nursing home residents. Don’t be afraid
of touching the senior in your life. If
the barriers around touching seniors can be removed, it will be better for all
concerned.
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